HOW TO WRITE A LOVE LETTER

Think back to the most romantic love letters you ever received. Were they short, full of practical advice, with suggestions for improvement?Hardly! Most likely, they overflowed with romantic feeling, offering praise, reflecting on a shared past, and looking forward to future togetherness.If you're stumped about what to write someone you love, here are some ideas to help you spice up your letters:

1. Use terms of endearment or personal meaning. If the two of you use special nicknames for each other, include them in your letter. Or try out some new sweet names that suggest your loved one's characteristics or personality. Don't stop with using such terms in the greeting; mention them occasionally throughout the letter in expressions like these:"My dear Janice" (rather than "Dear Janice")"It's been a long week without my dear one...""Your amber eyes are often in my thoughts."

2. Reflect on the past. Mention special times the two of you shared, whether it was when you met, how you courted, conflicts you overcame, or celebrations you've shared. A common history is a hallmark of longevity and helps to bond a couple over time. You may want to remind the loved one of certain people you used to visit or events you attended together. Make your letter a bit nostalgic to rouse the reader's sentiment.

3. Celebrate the present. Talking about current events makes them more real, even when you cannot be together to enjoy them. Describe recent times you spent together, even if they were simple things like raking leaves or sipping iced tea on the front porch. Everyday memories have a special magic of their own when shared with someone we care deeply about. Putting them into words that remain permanently etched in writing give them a memorable quality that helps to brand them in both writer and reader's memory for future reflection. Here's an example:"Do you remember last summer when we had that argument about country music while in the car? I noticed how pretty you looked, your cheeks on fire, your eyes aflame, when you spoke with such passion! I loved you then, and even more now, despite any disagreements we may have."

4. Anticipate the future. Write about planned events or long-term goals that the two of you can share. Whether it's about saving money or going on a cruise, the very notion of working toward a mutual cause will bring the two of you closer even in writing:"I really appreciate your giving up coffee mochas to save for our Alaska cruise next year. I can tell this means a lot to you, and I can't wait for us to share this adventure together. My contribution is giving up commercial car washes; I'll wash the Chevy myself from now on. Every little bit helps!"

5. Close with a romantic conclusion. The last words you write may well be the ones that are longest remembered. Include tender expressions of your affection, a physical caress indicated in words, and the hope of being reunited soon. The letter becomes a guarantee of your regard and a promise of continued commitment.

6. Use attractive stationery. Get a pretty card or nice-looking paper with matching envelopes for your note. Hand-write it if possible. Keep it clean and folded neatly. Mail it promptly, so you don't forget or lose it.Writing a love letter does not have to be difficult. It just takes a few minutes of thoughtful concern to put into words the sincere feelings that lodge in your heart.

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LEARNING FROM A BREAK UP

Breakups are a learning opportunity. If you take the time to examine the reasons for your breakup, then you may be able to avoid letting history repeat itself in your dating life. There are two sides to every coin – personal growth can be the flip side to your sadness over the loss of a relationship. What was the cause of your breakup?If you cheated on your mate, then you might be feeling very guilty and untrustworthy. You can learn from this experience that you have to work on being more honest.

If you cheated, you probably were not happy in the relationship to begin with. However, you did the wrong thing by being unfaithful rather than honest. You should have ended the relationship, not strayed from it. Next time you are in a relationship, make sure that you really want to be there. It is not fair to the person that you are with for you to be unfaithful. If anyone has ever cheated on you, you know how painful it feels. Rather than dwelling on your indiscretion, forgive yourself, and move forward with the conviction that you will not do it again.If your mate was cheating on you, and that was the cause of your breakup, there’s still an opportunity for personal growth.

Understandably, you feel very hurt and betrayed. However, this is your chance to be strong and independent. You can get through this, and when you do, you will feel incredibly empowered and proud of yourself for your strength. Breaking up with your unfaithful significant other was the right move; you stood up for yourself, and you made it clear that you were not someone who is to be taken advantage of.If your relationship ended because you wanted to take your relationship to the next level, and your mate did not want to get too serious, then you will learn to pair yourself up with a person who has similar goals for the future.

Get in a relationship with someone who is looking to settle down, if that is what you are looking to do. If you were the one who did not want to get too serious, then you should be looking for someone who is also looking for a casual relationship. Leading people on is not right, and it can only lead to hurt feelings. Be honest with yourself and with the people that you date in the future.Perhaps your mate broke up with you because you could not control your anger. You yelled too much, and you were constantly putting your significant other down. If you were not treating your mate right, then they were right to leave.

You have to learn to control yourself and to express your feelings in a healthier way. This is your opportunity to change your poor behavior so that your future relationships will not suffer in the same way. You’re not a bad person; you just made some bad choices. If you have severe anger management problems, you should seek professional help.If you’re on the other end of the abusive relationship, then you have to learn not to allow yourself to be taken advantage of and used as a human punching bag. You deserve to be treated with care and respect, and you should accept nothing less in your future relationships.

Do not compromise your happiness for someone who is not treating you properly. If you have low self esteem, you have to work on feeling better about yourself before you will be ready to share your life with another person again.If the relationship ended because you simply did not feel that it had a future, then you have to ask yourself why it is that you did not see a future between the two of you.

Do you have unrealistic expectations? Or is it simply that the two of you do not want the same things out of life, or that you have grown apart over the course of your relationship? If you have established a pattern off breaking off relationships when they become too serious, then you need to determine whether not that is just a fear of commitment on your half. On the other hand, if you truly believe that your ex’s goals were too different from your own for your relationship’s future to thrive, then you should be proud of yourself for doing the right thing.

If there is no future, then you should not be wasting your time, and breaking up with your mate will give you the opportunity to seek out someone whose goals are similar to your own. It is natural to feel sadness and loss after you break up with someone that you have had a romantic relationship with, but in order to get over it, you have to look for the silver lining.

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ACTIVITIES TO GET BACK ON THE DATING SCENE

Shows that highlight the singles lifestyle like “Sex in the City” make couples think back on their single bachelor/bachelorette days with nostalgia. However, many couples forget how difficult and anxiety-ridden it could be to live within the singles scene. Many single men and women will admit that it isn’t always easy living the single lifestyle. Maybe you have been single for a while now and want to find out how to thrust yourself into the dating scene or maybe you have recently left a relationship and want to pick up and move on. Whatever your situation may be, here are some ideas on activities and outings that will seamlessly get you right back into the dating scene.

1) Hobbies:
Perhaps you love cooking gourmet dinners or baking delicious pastries and cookies. Or maybe you enjoy woodworking or welding or pottery. Now is the time to take a class on one of your hobbies. You may end up meeting somebody in your class who shares your same interests and hobbies. You can find these types of classes at your local gourmet grocery store, a local community college or university or through your local newspaper or crafts store. Be adventurous and take that class on stained glass like you’ve always thought about. Even if you don’t end up meeting somebody that is datable, you’ll have a new craft or hobby under your belt.

2) Go Out With Friends:
When we’re single, we have other single friends or couples who invite us to go out dancing or to the movies or out to eat. Many times, we end up declining because we don’t want to feel like the third wheel or we just get “too tired” to go out. Why not try actually going out when friends invite you? Unless you have an endless stream of repairmen or repairwomen coming through your apartment or house, you won’t meet anybody staying at home watching reruns of “Friends” and “NYPD Blue.” Put on that new dress or that new shirt and have fun. You never know who you may end up meeting when you actually put yourself out there.

3) Happy Hours:
No matter where you currently work, chances are there is somebody at your office that always organizes a happy hour at least once a month. This is when a group of colleagues go out after work on a Friday and have drinks and cheap appetizers. This gives you a chance to be yourself after a day of being locked up in a cube or office poring over memos and data. It is hard to completely be yourself in the work environment, so this will give your colleagues a chance to see you as yourself, away from the office.

4) Holiday Parties:
Thanksgiving and Christmas are around the corner and you are getting invitations left and right to attend this and that holiday party. Instead of snuggling up alone with a fruit cake and a mug of egg nog in front of your fireplace, why not try attending some of these holiday parties. You will not only meet potential friends, but also potential dates.

5) Blind Dates:
When you are single, almost every friend you have and every couple you know will want to set you up on a blind date because they think they know a perfect mate for you. Instead of discounting your friends and family who are setting these blind dates up, go on them. Who knows? Maybe your mom really does know what type of woman or man you like.

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ROMNCE QUIZ

Even those of us who consider ourselves relationship experts admit that meeting the right person in today's busy world is a tremendous challenge. Flirting can be fun, but when you're looking for love, meeting new people and making first impressions can try your patience and test your soul.It's often hard to know if you're sending the right signals to your date and it can be equally difficult to judge the messages that your date is sending you.

The surveys in this section will help you understand if your dating strategies are working, and what you can do to make them more effective. Although the dating world isn't always easy, try to enjoy yourself. It may take a few tries before you meet the right person, but keep a positive attitude and you're likely to have fun, and meet interesting people along the way.

Do You Know How to Meet Single People?

1. Where would you most likely hang out if you were trying to get a date?
a. A noisy bar or disco
b. The laundromat on a Sunday afternoon
c. Outside of a center for couples therapy
d. A coffee shop in a hip neighbourhood
e. An amusement park on a family-themed weekend

2. What do you usually do on Friday nights?
a. Make dinner for myself and watch some television or a video
b. Meet a few close friends for dinner or drinks
c. Gather with a group - some old friends, some new
d. Carefully recompose, but never submit, my singles ad
e. Hit happy hour on the downtown scene

3. You meet an attractive person you might be interested in. Do you check for a wedding ring?
a. Instantly
b. Only if I consider asking them out
c. Sometimes
d. Never

4. It's been said that you should never leave the house without looking your best, because you never know when you might meet someone. Do you agree or disagree?
a. Strongly agree
b. Agree, but with reservations
c. It would depend on where I was going
d. Strongly disagree

5. What's the first question that you would ask a good friend who had a new love?
a. How they met
b. If the new love has any cute friends
c. How your friend knew this was "the one"
d. If this would mean that your friend would no longer be available for you

6. Do you ever make eye contact with strangers in public places?
a. All the time
b. When feeling adventurous
c. Never
d. Only if I notice someone who seems especially intriguing

7. Have you ever given a stranger your telephone number?
a. Never - and I never would
b. I give out my number as often as I can
c. No - but if I had a good feeling about someone, I might
d. Just a few times

8. Which of the following do you consider to be a great opening line?
a. "Hey baby, what's your sign?"
b. "Ummm..."
c. "Can I buy you a drink?"
d. "You look very familiar, have we met before?"
e. " I don't mean to intrude, but I noticed that you're reading..."

9. A friend asks you to join a book group for singles; you only know one or two members. What would you do?
a. I would join, but I wouldn't say much the first few times
b. I would refuse, and suggest that my friend and I just meet for coffee and talk about books
c. I would join, but only attend intermittently
d. I woud join instantly, and send all the other members my vital stats over email

10. A wedding is...
a. A romantic backdrop and a place to meet new people
b. A chance to connect with old friends and meet new ones
c. Something that I'm sure I'll never be part of
d. A grim reminder of my single state

11. Have you ever thrown a party? If so, what kind?
a. A huge bash for everyone I knew, friends and friends of friends
b. An intimate dinner for close friends
c. An elegant affair where some people came alone and some brought dates
d. I've never thrown a party - I'm too busy going out to entertaine. I've never thrown a party - I consider myself fairly antisocial

Scoring:1. a=2; b=3; c=1; d=3; e=12. a=1; b=2; c=3; d=1; e=33. a=3; b=2; c=2; d=14. a=3; b=2; c=2; d=15. a=2; b=3; c=2; d=16. a=3; b=2; c=1; d=27. a=1; b=3; c=2; d=28. a=3; b=1; c=3; d=2; e=29. a=2; b=1; c=2; d=310.a=3; b=2; c=1; d=111.a=3; b=1; c=2; d=3; e=1

What Your Score Means

11 to 17:Stubbornly Single
Clearly, you're the kind of person who prefers the company of a select few to the splendor of the masses. Whilst it's great to be comfortable with being alone, it might be time to reconsider whether, by refusing to come out of your shell, you're inadvertently narrowing your own horizons. Meeting new people is difficult, but it's a challenge that is often its own reward - even if you don't make any dates, you'll often expand your view of the world by taking a chance on someone new. Push yourself - you could be surprised by what you discover!

18 to 26:Open to Possibilities
You're confident and comfortable with your single status, so you don't feel the need to constantly be looking for new contacts. This confidence is a great draw to other people - when you do feel motivated to talk to someone new, it's clear that that person is pretty special. Whether you are in a room full of singles, or a few close old friends, you are open, warm and inviting, and these qualities will bring you more potential partners than a thousand pickup lines. So relax, and enjoy yourself!

27 to 33:Patrolling the Market
Your single-people-meeting skills are finely honed. When it comes to looking for potential partners, the world is your oyster, and every situation and social event is a possible place where you could cross paths with a new suitor. Whilst it's always great to remain open to the possibility of meeting new people, you should be careful to consider the feelings of your old friends - you don't want any of them to feel like their friendship is less important than finding a romantic partner. When push comes to shove, old friends are more important than new blood. Still, you've got a great attitude toward meeting new people, and you could probably give lessons in how to get a date!

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FOUR REASONS TO BREAK UP WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND

YOU ARE LEADING HER ON
If you are with a woman who you know is falling for you, but you are aware that you are personally not falling in love with her, then you owe it to this woman to spare her feelings and end the relationship. Women sometimes have the tendency to let themselves become attached to a man that is not attached to them. If you do not see a future with your girlfriend, then don’t have a present with her. You can’t keep a lady around just because you can stand her. You can’t stay in a relationship out of convenience. You should never continue a romance that you are not invested in just for the physical rewards.

If you are not intending to take this relationship to the next level, and you know that the girl that you are with is already picking out china patterns, then you have to do the right thing: break it off. If you care about her at all, then you owe it to her not to lead her on. The only reason to continue a relationship is because you believe that there is a future in it. You can date and you can have flings with women with no intention of building a relationship, but you have to be honest with the women that you are with so that they do not end up feeling deceived and manipulated.

SHE CAN’T BE TRUSTED
If your girlfriend has been unfaithful to you, and you are unable to trust her, then you should break up with her. This is not to say that there are no circumstances in which cheating should be forgiven, but you have to evaluate that on an individual basis. First of all, do you think that she is truly remorseful and will not do it again, or do you think that she is just sorry that she got caught? You have to decide if you will be able to have faith in your relationship anymore. If you are not able to trust your girlfriend, then you need to break up with her. You will become a jealous person if you stay in a relationship with someone that you do not believe in.

You should be with a woman who is mature enough to be honest with you. If your girlfriend felt she needed to stray from the relationship, then you should wonder why. Have you been unfaithful to her? Do the two of you spend as much time together as you did when you first started the relationship? She might have been looking for someone to talk to when you were emotionally unavailable, and what started off as innocent flirtation led to infidelity. People do make mistakes, but if the mistake is going to cause you to be insecure and paranoid in your relationship, then you should break it off.

YOUR LIFE HAS CHANGED FOR THE WORSE
Relationships can change your life, but the goal is for your life to be changed for the better, not the worse. If you feel like you are no longer a happy and confident person when you are with your girlfriend, then you are in an unhealthy relationship. Having a girlfriend is not worth sacrificing your happiness. Sometimes if a guy who is very inexperienced with women gets a girlfriend, he wants to stay in the relationship even if the woman is a witch to him. If you are a man who has had a hard time playing the dating game, you might have resigned yourself to the idea that you have to settle for whoever will be with you. Wrong!

You are better off alone than with someone who does not treat you with care and respect. It is unfair to you to settle for someone who does not value you. You deserve to be with someone who shows you the same love and kindness as you show them. If your girlfriend embarrasses you in front of your friends by demeaning you or if she is constantly pointing out your flaws and imperfections, then you owe it to yourself to break up with her and find someone who is deserving of your love.

YOUR GUILTY CONSCIENCE
Sometimes a man will stay with a woman because he feels that it will destroy her if he ends the relationship. If you care about a woman, but you are no longer in love with her, then it is in both of your best interests in the long run to end the relationship. Your girlfriend does not want to be in a relationship with someone who cares about her on a purely platonic level.

She may be very hurt and saddened to see your relationship come to a close, but if you are not invested in this relationship, it is not going to survive, and the longer that you wait to end it, the worse things will become. You can feel bad that you are breaking her heart, but you should not feel guilty for being honest about your feelings.

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OUR DATING REGRETS

I decided to take a survey of good single friends and find out what kind of regrets single men and single women had when dating. Dating Regrets took on many different forms in their varied answers but I thought it was interesting to ask because it often highlights dating issues we often forget to mention. As with many of my surveys, the results are haphazard but are useful in pointing out that no single men or single women are alone in the mistakes that occur in our dating lives. Here follows are a mind boggling catalogue of dating disasters that we singles should bear in mind as lessons learned.

1. In top spot - dating a married person.
Man or woman, it makes no difference. In every version the story was the same, dating a married person was a complete disaster. Not withstanding the lies, deceit, regret, cheating and false promises, on NO occasion did anyone I asked have a good outcome for their married affairs. This was one good example of how to waste your years waiting for someone who will never leave; sharing your loved one with someone else and spending thousands of dollars on stolen moments and brief weekends where you were not the only person on their mind. Avoid like the plague unless you want to lose all the dignity you ever had.

2. Amazingly not marrying your childhood sweetheart was number 2.
It appears there are a lot of single people who have spent years wishing they had married the person of their dreams when they had the chance. Unfortunately this often tends to be your childhood sweetheart or first love at college. At the time you are too young and there are too many other fish in the sea. In later years you have used them as a bench mark of the minimal level of romance required for potential partners and never quite match it. This leads to a feeling of making do with second best. In turn you start hankering for the girl or boy from all those years ago.

3. Not asking someone out on a date when the offer was there.
This is a biggie because we are dealing with the eternal niggling "what if.." question. This tends to come out as a regret at a time when other things are not going well and you find yourself fantasizing. What if you had asked him out. What if you had said yes to that date. What if you had got married and had children. It seems that not asking someone out can leave a long term legacy. Just look at the popularity of reunion sites on the Internet just now.

4. Not ending a bad relationship earlier.
Yes lot of us listed this one. There are many of us who have entered into a relationship willingly only to discover to our cost that the relationship wasn't all it could be. Whilst the door was only over there we chose for many a reason not to walk out of it. Whilst perhaps a worthy concept in itself it does none of us a service. The fact is, too many of us have stayed in long term relationships that were not good for ourselves and our partners. If only we had had the courage at the time.

5. Dating the wrong person for the wrong reasons.
Maybe for sex, for appearance, for contacts, for business reasons or even out of sympathy. It appears that there are plenty of people out there who have dated people for the wrong reasons and lived to regret it. This has to be balanced against hindsight. Looking back it is obvious which people we perhaps should never have dated but there are plenty of us who dated the wrong person at the time and knew we were doing it. No excuse.

6. Putting your career first and waiting too long.
Oh yes, this is a modern classic. Our current society has a problem in that a third of all adults are now single - and growing. The most commonly sited reason is that we put our career first, especially through out 20's and then begin seriously dating in our 30's when we feel ready. The problem is that we are not as young as we were, not as attractive as when we were 21 in many cases, our body clocks are ticking at a deafening volume and all the best catches have been snapped up. A great many of us appear to be wishing we had sorted out our love lives earlier. Be warned.

7. Leaving someone you were in love with.
I don't have the answers but it cropped up quite a few times in my survey and could be tied in with point 2. People in love have left and seem to struggle to find an explanation. All too often the decision was regretted very quickly only to find that the rejected partner had closed and bolted the door and you were never going to be allowed back. Infidelity is the primary cause, or more to the point, getting caught. If you love someone stay with them faithfully appears to be the lesson here.

8. Not being the nice person you could have been.
Treating someone badly in a relationship always comes back to haunt you if you are the guilty party, however empowering it may have felt at the time. As we grow older we list mentally those we could have been nicer too and I am amazed how many of us confess we could have been nicer people to our lovers. I am not talking about physical violence though we all accept that it does exist within our society. No I simply mean being courteous, kind, remembering birthdays and anniversaries, buying flowers, compromising, going on holidays and being romantic and spontaneous. We live and learn and later regret is clearly the message.

9. Dumping someone in a callous and bad way.
I have done it and I have had it done to me and I regret both happening. When young it was easy to love and leave and I never thought anything of it. As I grew older I had it done to me by someone I loved and it broke my heart. I don't think we every do get over being left in a bad way - no explanation, no reasons given. One day it's fine, the next day you're gone. Dumping via email, texting or phone should be made cardinal sins and it appears from my survey that many of us regret doing just that.

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ARE THEY ‘THE ONE’?

You’ve met…it’s been great… you’ve been starry eyed and buzzing with your body’s ‘love-buzz’ chemicals. But now it’s starting to fade a little and it’s time to wonder
‘Are They THE ONE?’

You’re both starting to relax and show each other the real you. You’re becoming less blind to each others quirks and starting to see that you each have jobs, interests, friends, families, ambitions… which maybe aren’t 100% to your liking!

So it’s time to ask… How compatible are you?

Are your two single lives going to fit with each other’s? – or are there just not enough ways in which you and your partner match?

It’s generally thought that there are 5 key areas to consider when you start looking to see if they could be THE ONE.

1) Background
One major factor in forming your dating personality is where you come from and the way you were bought up. This affects everything about the single you, from your values to your taste in clothes!! While a difference in backgrounds might not mean it’s time to say goodbye it’s worth thinking about… If one of you is from a privileged background and the other is from the wrong side of the tracks, you can expect dating issues!

Discuss any religious beliefs you’ve inherited. Check your political views. Think about your education. Maybe you’ve got a degree while they dropped out before GCSEs, may this lead to boredom? Or do they have knowledge about other areas, like travelling, to keep you interested? Do you enjoy quite refined evenings in with friends while they enjoy going to the same pub every night?
This might be OK in the first flush of love but is it really something you’ll want to be doing with your date in a years time?Of course, we’re not saying that couples must come from the same sort of background. Social class is fluid – though certainly not yet gone for good. Partners do grow and change. We are (happily!) not our parents.

All we’re saying is that if there are huge differences, you and your date need to take extra care to check that you really do have some things in common, or you can both learn to accept each other. Friends and Family will be quick to point out differences to you and your date - make sure you both feel confident that as time goes by you are going to get along and grow together, not apart.

2) Careers
You as a single person spend a huge amount of your life at work and your chosen career can really affect the way you live – such as income and time off. At the start of a relationship you might not notice that your date’s income’s tiny with no hope of a rise. You might assume that when you get married and have kids they’ll be happy to cut back on the long hours and give up the chance of a partnership. You don’t mind always paying when you go on dates and treating them to presents and holidays, but are you going to feel the same further down the line?

Talk it through. Check where you both are now in your careers and where you want and plan to be in the future. You don’t have to have the same career goals – you can agree to have very different careers mapped out – but your plans do need to fit in with each other’s. If you’re both happy that one of you will stay at home and one will run their own company, that’s fine. However if your plans are going to pull you apart, then that isn’t.

3) Interests
It’s great for people in relationships to have different interests. It helps you retain your single identity and keep the relationship feeling alive. That said, if you and your date don’t share any interests, then you’re not going to have much to say to or do with each other!! A happy medium is what is required.If this is a worry for you and your date try to make a list of your most important interests and of your partner’s.

Remember ‘Interests’ could be anything from preferred ways of lazing through a day off, to favourite sports or arts, or desired ways of spending a holiday – even just what you’d most like to watch on TV, or if TV’s banned!Then mark off any you and your date share already – hopefully they’ll be a few. Look at the rest of the list.

Which of your partner’s interests might you like to share? Which are they going to be doing alone and are you happy for them to do that? Does it look like you might be able to strike a balance or if very little indeed is shared?

You’ll secretly know already just how much you’ve been faking that new-found enthusiasm for rock climbing or fine French cooking! Many doting partners have discovered the inner football fan in them or taken up going to church because, well, they just really liked the other person! This is fine but just make sure it’s reciprocal – and that there is enough happily shared to keep you both happy in the long run.

4) Sex
The sex should already be fabulous. If it’s feeling a bit routine already – as opposed to becoming a little less frenetic and steadily more loving and intimate – take emergency measures now to get it back on track or start saving for your first affair!

How sexually compatible are you? Do you and your dates sex drives more or less match? Are you more as less as adventurous when having sex? Is sex more or less equally important to both of you? Is there anything you’re not doing in bed (or wherever) but very much want to – and are afraid to ask because you know what they’ll probably say?

Once you’re past the first few months of a relationship, you’ll start to return to your personal sexual level – and then is the time to judge if, with a little, inevitable compromise, your libidos and sexual interests are going to fit together fine, or if you’ll be frustrated.

5) Age
Age differences can matter a great deal in relationships. Greater age generally means greater knowledge, a greater range of experience to draw on – and a greater number of things you’ve done already, such that you don’t need to go there and do them again. It will often also mean a higher income and – for reasons of experience and income combined – more power.

Younger partners may try to act older and actively want to be mentored by the elder date. The older partner may feel obliged to reclaim his or her youth and party the night away, when they’d far rather be having dinner.

A significant age-gap can make for a working relationship. It can be great. Do ask, though, if there is a significant difference in age, whether your lifestyles, aims and ambitions will peacefully co-exist – and continue to do so – in the medium and long-term. Talk about where you are and where you’re going in life – and be aware that the younger you are, the more those possible futures are liable to change.

6) Effort
How much are you putting into this relationship? And how much is your partner? Do you bend over backwards to get things right while they take your efforts for granted? How often do you find yourself re-scheduling your week to fit in with their plans? How often do you say ‘yes’ when you’d rather say ‘no’?

If there’s a significant imbalance – and this is on a day to day basis – one date is being the co-dependent doormat and the other date is lazily, selfishly taking the ride. How to tell if this is case? Step outside the relationship. Imagine you’re one of your friends and you’re looking in at their relationship. Are you happy for your friend about what they’re getting?

Remember: once they’re past childhood, people don’t usually change all that much. (You think your partner’s changed? Nope. You’re just seeing them differently, more realistically, warts ‘n’ all.) If your partner isn’t putting much into the relationship, it’s basically inevitable they won’t start doing so when, in future months and years, the relationship, if it is to continue to thrive, will start needing work.

Here’s hoping your compatibility checks out – and that you’re in a position to run through the tests again in six months time

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Finding a Boyfriend, Finding a Girlfriend

So you want to find a boyfriend or find a girlfriend but don't know where to start? Here are five sure-fire tips and strategies to find a new boyfriend or find a new girlfriend and begin a fresh relationship:

1. Consider How Your Friends Found a Boyfriend or Girlfriend.
Make a list of your ten closest friends and family who are currently in satisfying relationships. Next to each name, write down exactly how they met their current boyfriend or girlfriend. Choose the three ways that seem most likely to find you a partner and commit to implement those ideas in your own love life.

2. Join Two or Three Online Dating Services.
The days of negative steroetypes for online dating services are gone. Millions of single men and single women are finding love in cyberspace. Research the online dating sites out there and commit to joining the right online dating site for you. You'll be dating before you know it and may very well find someone worthy of boyfriend or girlfriend status.

3. Sign-up for a singles holiday.
Ask one of your single friends to join you in signing up for a singles holiday in a lovely villa or house. Most houses offer quarter, half, or full shares meaning you will be surrounded by lots of other single men and single women to get to know. Plus you get a great holiday and the potential to find a relationship.

4. Join Niche Online Dating Sites or Services.
Dating services and online dating sites are becoming more and more sophisticated and specialized. You can now find sites devoted to race, age, hobbies, etc. Narrow your search to the online dating site that fits your situation. You'll vastly improve your odds of finding single men or single women who meets your dating criteria.

5. Become a Blind Dating Machine.
You may wonder why having a drink with a total stranger is a good way to spend an evening? Because he or she could be the one! So get off the couch and start meeting new single men or single women. It only takes one!

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FIRST FOUR WEEKS

Gosh, it doesn't get more unstable than this. You feel sick, you can't eat, you don't know what you are thinking and feeling, but you are thinking excessively. You feel happy, you feel sad, you feel unsettled, you worry, you are ecstatic. You want to panic and wish you had said no. What's happening to you? You are in your first four weeks of dating someone. The first thing that can happen with a date is that you feel trepidation before the event. You may have had lots of dates and expect little but are pleasantly surprised.

You may have been building up to the date and its gone really well and you are surprised, pleasantly. You may actually feel unhappy and irritated that a first date went well because now you have to give some thought to the situation. Initially then you need to decide if you are going to take it further or whether last night's promises and optimism has changed in the cold light of day. For almost everyone, however good or bad you will feel some trepidation, even if you are walking on the moon.For many, the days after a first date that went really well will make you feel great.

You feel desired, attractive and you realize that someone really likes you who you are attracted to. But - until you have secured a second date you will still feel like you have got it all wrong and that you are mistaken. When that second date is finalized you will again feel great and this is a real test because this time you will be analyzing each other more thoroughly and testing each other in verbal interplay and emotional content in your conversation. Your reliability and your wit will be tested as well as many other extremely subtle facets of your character. At this stage you most certainly should not have had sex!

After the second date is where panic can set in. If you really like this person you will panic and worry that you can lose them before anything has even got going. On the other hand you may like them and panic that it could all be too much too soon and wish to run without finding out. So this is where disaster can begin to intervene on a perfect future. You can quickly come across as overbearing and possessive, even though you haven't got into a relationship yet. So stop calling and stop pondering and ensure you carry on as best you can with a routine. In other words, back off and be cool.

Take your time and stop panicking. If you are going to go out, then you will but don't rush it.If, on the other hand, you are simply not sure about looming intimacy then again take your time and be cool. The pleasure in the first few weeks of dating is in its turmoil and its passion but also in savoring every moment. In a long term relationship these are days hard to repeat so take in the atmosphere of knowing someone new and enjoy the encounters as they happen. A new relationship doesn't have to lead to marriage and commitment so stop thinking too much and simply enjoy your dates as they happen.

There will be many dilemmas in the first few weeks such as your first kiss, where you should go on dates, whether you should phone, what happens if they didn't call when expected, concern things are over already. The you will move on to whether you should invite them in for coffee, what happens if you want to go to bed with them or what happens as your emotions increase. Once again it is about trying to keep the basics in perspective.

Your entire day-to-day life can be affected by beginning to like someone and fall in love so the only thing that gives you any structure is your regular daily pattern. Because of this it is crucial to keep as many things regular as possible. Try and sustain your daily regime, including clubs, hobbies and trips to the gym. However one of the beautiful aspects of this initial period is the breaking of that regime to find small intense emotional moments with your new friend.People often ask me when a date becomes a relationship and I have answered that more fully in a different article but to my own mind the first 4 weeks are crucial in creating a basic foundation on which you can both develop into a relationships.

You will have progressed from first date to hopefully the nth time. If you live close by you may have stopped counting by now. I can understand that circumstances may prevent regular dating for some, but I do think that if you are wanting a serious relationship to develop, proximity is helpful. In 4 weeks of dating you should have been dating plenty of times and be getting to know the beginnings of each other.

Where dating is very very slow then there is a danger it will never actually fire the main engines for lift off so I actively encourage people to make the most of the dating opportunities presented. You see, when you really like someone, you want to be with them, you want to spend all your time with them to get to know them and understand them and learn to fall in love with them. For this to happen you have to meet very regularly to build up that level of intimacy otherwise you may be wasting your time.

The first 4 weeks are critical as they are the testing time. If you get through this initial period you have a chance of building into a relationship. In my view it is too soon for sex if you are serious but too long for just a couple of meetings. It is the perfect time frame to know whether you are fairly compatible above and beyond the initial physical attraction. A month of dating is a month of happy events and phone calls and memories.

If in that period things aren't working out, then you can walk away with no harm done.You may feel sick and you may feel unsteady, but when we all look back and try and describe what being in love is like, most of us tend to remember the first four weeks when we met and use those feelings to describe how beautifully unsettling everything truly is.

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FIRST IMPRESSIONS FOR MEN

In you stroll, looking hot in that new dress or suit with the Manolo's or Jimmy Choo shoes. You know you look good after all, it cost you a fortune. You are feeling confident due to the way you are looking and you know he wants you. Go get him girl. Does that ring true? Well maybe, maybe not. On the other hand, in you stroll, black Armani or Hugo Boss suit, Italian leather shoes, handmade shirt.

You are feeling good, you are feeling successful, you are feeling confident. Yes, my friends, in this fatuous day and age we are what we wear.Now I am not saying that we need to spend a King's ransom on the latest designer gear, fashions, style and hand crafted luxury wear from Italy or wherever. But I am suggesting that when we dress well we feel good, we believe we look good and we feel we can do anything we choose. So when dating, its important to look good because if you do, you will feel good too.

Good style means a good level of confidence.Forget arguing about body shape and expense in your defense against my argument here, it doesn't wash. You can look stylish and classic whatever your shape within reason and whatever your budget. Black will always be classic and well tailored clothes will always look a cut above the rest. I cannot walk down any high street or through any mall these days without being inundated with a sense of style.

Everywhere we look there are shops desperate to dress you well. The fact that you don't choose to go in them is not the point. Therefore turning up for your first date in a comfy sweatshirt or sports top may make you feel relaxed but it shows absolute contempt for your date who has spent the best part of the last two hours getting ready for your squalid self. Get a grip man.

Okay so whilst my female readership doesn't need a lecture in self presentation generally, my male readership often does. The first thing I want you to remember men is that a woman will judge you by looking straight down at your shoes. You may not see what the fuss is about but she may as well be looking straight past your shoes, all the way down to hell. The fact is, the truth is in the detail. You have washed and scrubbed up well, but casting a more detailed glance over you and the small discrepancies are soon revealed. Missing cufflinks, tie all over the place, missing shirt button etc.

All mean that deep down either you are a deeply wild and windswept sex god or you are a disaster in the making who has no idea of style and presentation. If you can't dress yourself buddy, what makes you think you can undress her.But shoes are the biggest giveaway because men think of them as practical necessities that are comfortable rather than looking at the style involved. It is obvious what is classic and in fashion right now, simply turn your eyes and look through the window of the nearest ubiquitous show store.

Once you have bought them, ensure they match the rest of the outfit. No don't mix brown with black and if shoeshine cream is as rare as diamonds in your apartment then get back to the shop and sort it out. Good shoes mean that you have attention to detail, she has seen and she has noted!

Men often make the mistake of thinking that the woman is relaxed and kind of a casual gal so he doesn't need to go mad when meeting up. He can be smart but casual. I have news for you, most men are casual, not smart but casual. It doesn't happen in my experience. Men have no idea at all what is like to get ready as a woman. The fact that you look subtle and classically understated is lost on a man. He thinks it took you 5 minutes to get ready. He has no idea.

Which is why he threw on the white shirt that needed an iron and a pair of casual trousers in such a carefree fashion.Do not believe GQ-style magazines, however marvelous they are. Whilst there is a small core of very well dressed men out there, they are not the norm. Take your average guy shopping to the mall on a Saturday afternoon and see how long he lasts. Whilst men have a better idea about appearance and do know some label makes and names, they are still eons behind women. But all is not lost.

A man with a career can sort himself out in a few easy steps, he simply needs to get his wallet out.Every man over the age of 25 should have a black, classic, single-breasted, good-quality suit together with the same in navy blue. He should have a casual jacket and a collection of plain colored well made cotton shirts. He should have three pairs of good quality leather shoes, in black and brown and they should be modern and in good condition. A man should have a good quality masculine watch.

This is very important as it is possibly the only piece of jewelry a man may ever display. Okay a watch is a timepiece and a necessity but it speaks volumes about you. Some women have expressed a liking for men with large masculine sports watches, but whatever you do wear, it should be a classic as it will speak volumes about your taste.You should always carry on you a good quality leather wallet that is not stuffed with receipts, preferably in black which you always wear within a jacket pocket, not stuffed into a pocket of your trousers.

Whilst you may begin to think I am trying to describe James Bond, you are not far wrong. You can do far worse than to watch a Bond movie to get a sense of class and style. Neither am I suggesting that you alter your image from that which is really you. But as we are discussing first impressions, then you will need to think carefully about the way you do present yourself.I can only think of a handful of men in my lifetime who do smart but casual well. For many men, it means jeans and a crumpled shirt with the sleeves rolled up.

Take a good look about you and think long and hard about your current image and get some feedback from female friends as to how they really perceive your look. You may get a nasty shock. If you are pleasantly surprised then you are on your way.Finally, though I have spelt this out before, I will do it one more time. Looking good is important, as is feeling comfortable. However along with this you should smell good. For men, Aftershave and cologne of a high quality are essential, and the less mainstream the better. For a start, if it is not one of the perennial brands then your date may not have smelled the scent before and will find it unusual and possibly attractive. She will most certainly notice.

This is all part of making a good impression. It shows you have made an effort for her and you care. More than one Aftershave is good, a lemon based on for day wear and a heavier woody cologne for the evening with a hint of musk. But always consult and test because many Aftershaves do not suit some types of skin. So spray and then walk round the store before deciding.Looking and smelling good is not a one-off situation.

For second and subsequent dates you need to keep up the good work so I am not recommending your first impression-making attempts are not really you. I really am suggesting you take a long hard look at your current image and begin to change things for the better if necessary. And certainly for the long term. Finally, remember that your efforts will be appreciated even if nothing is ever said. In one short phrase, first impressions count.

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