FIRST IMPRESSIONS FOR MEN
In you stroll, looking hot in that new dress or suit with the Manolo's or Jimmy Choo shoes. You know you look good after all, it cost you a fortune. You are feeling confident due to the way you are looking and you know he wants you. Go get him girl. Does that ring true? Well maybe, maybe not. On the other hand, in you stroll, black Armani or Hugo Boss suit, Italian leather shoes, handmade shirt. You are feeling good, you are feeling successful, you are feeling confident. Yes, my friends, in this fatuous day and age we are what we wear.Now I am not saying that we need to spend a King's ransom on the latest designer gear, fashions, style and hand crafted luxury wear from Italy or wherever.
But I am suggesting that when we dress well we feel good, we believe we look good and we feel we can do anything we choose. So when dating, its important to look good because if you do, you will feel good too. Good style means a good level of confidence.Forget arguing about body shape and expense in your defense against my argument here, it doesn't wash. You can look stylish and classic whatever your shape within reason and whatever your budget. Black will always be classic and well tailored clothes will always look a cut above the rest. I cannot walk down any high street or through any mall these days without being inundated with a sense of style. Everywhere we look there are shops desperate to dress you well. The fact that you don't choose to go in them is not the point.
Therefore turning up for your first date in a comfy sweatshirt or sports top may make you feel relaxed but it shows absolute contempt for your date who has spent the best part of the last two hours getting ready for your squalid self. Get a grip man.Okay so whilst my female readership doesn't need a lecture in self presentation generally, my male readership often does. The first thing I want you to remember men is that a woman will judge you by looking straight down at your shoes. You may not see what the fuss is about but she may as well be looking straight past your shoes, all the way down to hell. The fact is, the truth is in the detail. You have washed and scrubbed up well, but casting a more detailed glance over you and the small discrepancies are soon revealed. Missing cufflinks, tie all over the place, missing shirt button etc.
All mean that deep down either you are a deeply wild and windswept sex god or you are a disaster in the making who has no idea of style and presentation. If you can't dress yourself buddy, what makes you think you can undress her.But shoes are the biggest giveaway because men think of them as practical necessities that are comfortable rather than looking at the style involved. It is obvious what is classic and in fashion right now, simply turn your eyes and look through the window of the nearest ubiquitous show store. Once you have bought them, ensure they match the rest of the outfit. No don't mix brown with black and if shoeshine cream is as rare as diamonds in your apartment then get back to the shop and sort it out.
Good shoes mean that you have attention to detail, she has seen and she has noted!Men often make the mistake of thinking that the woman is relaxed and kind of a casual gal so he doesn't need to go mad when meeting up. He can be smart but casual. I have news for you, most men are casual, not smart but casual. It doesn't happen in my experience. Men have no idea at all what is like to get ready as a woman. The fact that you look subtle and classically understated is lost on a man. He thinks it took you 5 minutes to get ready. He has no idea. Which is why he threw on the white shirt that needed an iron and a pair of casual trousers in such a carefree fashion.Do not believe GQ-style magazines, however marvelous they are.
Whilst there is a small core of very well dressed men out there, they are not the norm. Take your average guy shopping to the mall on a Saturday afternoon and see how long he lasts. Whilst men have a better idea about appearance and do know some label makes and names, they are still eons behind women. But all is not lost. A man with a career can sort himself out in a few easy steps, he simply needs to get his wallet out.Every man over the age of 25 should have a black, classic, single-breasted, good-quality suit together with the same in navy blue. He should have a casual jacket and a collection of plain colored well made cotton shirts. He should have three pairs of good quality leather shoes, in black and brown and they should be modern and in good condition. A man should have a good quality masculine watch.
This is very important as it is possibly the only piece of jewelry a man may ever display. Okay a watch is a timepiece and a necessity but it speaks volumes about you. Some women have expressed a liking for men with large masculine sports watches, but whatever you do wear, it should be a classic as it will speak volumes about your taste.You should always carry on you a good quality leather wallet that is not stuffed with receipts, preferably in black which you always wear within a jacket pocket, not stuffed into a pocket of your trousers. Whilst you may begin to think I am trying to describe James Bond, you are not far wrong. You can do far worse than to watch a Bond movie to get a sense of class and style.
Neither am I suggesting that you alter your image from that which is really you. But as we are discussing first impressions, then you will need to think carefully about the way you do present yourself.I can only think of a handful of men in my lifetime who do smart but casual well. For many men, it means jeans and a crumpled shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Take a good look about you and think long and hard about your current image and get some feedback from female friends as to how they really perceive your look. You may get a nasty shock. If you are pleasantly surprised then you are on your way.
Finally, though I have spelt this out before, I will do it one more time. Looking good is important, as is feeling comfortable. However along with this you should smell good. For men, Aftershave and cologne of a high quality are essential, and the less mainstream the better. For a start, if it is not one of the perennial brands then your date may not have smelled the scent before and will find it unusual and possibly attractive. She will most certainly notice. This is all part of making a good impression. It shows you have made an effort for her and you care. More than one
Aftershave is good, a lemon based on for day wear and a heavier woody cologne for the evening with a hint of musk. But always consult and test because many Aftershaves do not suit some types of skin. So spray and then walk round the store before deciding.Looking and smelling good is not a one-off situation. For second and subsequent dates you need to keep up the good work so I am not recommending your first impression-making attempts are not really you. I really am suggesting you take a long hard look at your current image and begin to change things for the better if necessary. And certainly for the long term. Finally, remember that your efforts will be appreciated even if nothing is ever said. In one short phrase, first impressions count.
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Tuesday, 30 October 2007
Monday, 29 October 2007
1. Where would you most likely hang out if you were trying to get a date?
a. A noisy bar or disco
b. The laundromat on a Sunday afternoon
c. Outside of a center for couples therapy
d. A coffee shop in a hip neighbourhood
e. An amusement park on a family-themed weekend
b. The laundromat on a Sunday afternoon
c. Outside of a center for couples therapy
d. A coffee shop in a hip neighbourhood
e. An amusement park on a family-themed weekend
2. What do you usually do on Friday nights?
a. Make dinner for myself and watch some television or a video
b. Meet a few close friends for dinner or drinks
c. Gather with a group - some old friends, some new
d. Carefully recompose, but never submit, my singles ad
e. Hit happy hour on the downtown scene
b. Meet a few close friends for dinner or drinks
c. Gather with a group - some old friends, some new
d. Carefully recompose, but never submit, my singles ad
e. Hit happy hour on the downtown scene
3. You meet an attractive person you might be interested in. Do you check for a wedding ring?
a. Instantly
b. Only if I consider asking them out
c. Sometimes
d. Never
b. Only if I consider asking them out
c. Sometimes
d. Never
4. It's been said that you should never leave the house without looking your best, because you never know when you might meet someone. Do you agree or disagree?
a. Strongly agree
b. Agree, but with reservations
c. It would depend on where I was going
d. Strongly disagree
b. Agree, but with reservations
c. It would depend on where I was going
d. Strongly disagree
5. What's the first question that you would ask a good friend who had a new love?
a. How they met
b. If the new love has any cute friends
c. How your friend knew this was "the one"
d. If this would mean that your friend would no longer be available for you
b. If the new love has any cute friends
c. How your friend knew this was "the one"
d. If this would mean that your friend would no longer be available for you
6. Do you ever make eye contact with strangers in public places?
a. All the time
b. When feeling adventurous
c. Never
d. Only if I notice someone who seems especially intriguing
b. When feeling adventurous
c. Never
d. Only if I notice someone who seems especially intriguing
7. Have you ever given a stranger your telephone number?
a. Never - and I never would
b. I give out my number as often as I can
c. No - but if I had a good feeling about someone, I might
d. Just a few times
b. I give out my number as often as I can
c. No - but if I had a good feeling about someone, I might
d. Just a few times
8. Which of the following do you consider to be a great opening line?
a. "Hey baby, what's your sign?"
b. "Ummm..."
c. "Can I buy you a drink?"
d. "You look very familiar, have we met before?"
e. " I don't mean to intrude, but I noticed that you're reading..."
b. "Ummm..."
c. "Can I buy you a drink?"
d. "You look very familiar, have we met before?"
e. " I don't mean to intrude, but I noticed that you're reading..."
9. A friend asks you to join a book group for singles; you only know one or two members. What would you do?
a. I would join, but I wouldn't say much the first few times
b. I would refuse, and suggest that my friend and I just meet for coffee and talk about books
c. I would join, but only attend intermittently
d. I woud join instantly, and send all the other members my vital stats over email
b. I would refuse, and suggest that my friend and I just meet for coffee and talk about books
c. I would join, but only attend intermittently
d. I woud join instantly, and send all the other members my vital stats over email
10. A wedding is...
a. A romantic backdrop and a place to meet new people
b. A chance to connect with old friends and meet new ones
c. Something that I'm sure I'll never be part of
d. A grim reminder of my single state
b. A chance to connect with old friends and meet new ones
c. Something that I'm sure I'll never be part of
d. A grim reminder of my single state
11. Have you ever thrown a party? If so, what kind?
a. A huge bash for everyone I knew, friends and friends of friends
b. An intimate dinner for close friends
c. An elegant affair where some people came alone and some brought dates
d. I've never thrown a party - I'm too busy going out to entertain
e. I've never thrown a party - I consider myself fairly antisocial
b. An intimate dinner for close friends
c. An elegant affair where some people came alone and some brought dates
d. I've never thrown a party - I'm too busy going out to entertain
e. I've never thrown a party - I consider myself fairly antisocial
Scoring:
1. a=2; b=3; c=1; d=3; e=1
2. a=1; b=2; c=3; d=1; e=3
3. a=3; b=2; c=2; d=1
4. a=3; b=2; c=2; d=1
5. a=2; b=3; c=2; d=1
6. a=3; b=2; c=1; d=2
7. a=1; b=3; c=2; d=2
8. a=3; b=1; c=3; d=2; e=2
9. a=2; b=1; c=2; d=3
10.a=3; b=2; c=1; d=1
11.a=3; b=1; c=2; d=3; e=1
2. a=1; b=2; c=3; d=1; e=3
3. a=3; b=2; c=2; d=1
4. a=3; b=2; c=2; d=1
5. a=2; b=3; c=2; d=1
6. a=3; b=2; c=1; d=2
7. a=1; b=3; c=2; d=2
8. a=3; b=1; c=3; d=2; e=2
9. a=2; b=1; c=2; d=3
10.a=3; b=2; c=1; d=1
11.a=3; b=1; c=2; d=3; e=1
What Your Score Means
11 to 17:Stubbornly Single
Clearly, you're the kind of person who prefers the company of a select few to the splendor of the masses. Whilst it's great to be comfortable with being alone, it might be time to reconsider whether, by refusing to come out of your shell, you're inadvertently narrowing your own horizons. Meeting new people is difficult, but it's a challenge that is often its own reward - even if you don't make any dates, you'll often expand your view of the world by taking a chance on someone new. Push yourself - you could be surprised by what you discover!
18 to 26:Open to Possibilities
You're confident and comfortable with your single status, so you don't feel the need to constantly be looking for new contacts. This confidence is a great draw to other people - when you do feel motivated to talk to someone new, it's clear that that person is pretty special. Whether you are in a room full of singles, or a few close old friends, you are open, warm and inviting, and these qualities will bring you more potential partners than a thousand pickup lines. So relax, and enjoy yourself!
27 to 33:Patrolling the Market
Your single-people-meeting skills are finely honed. When it comes to looking for potential partners, the world is your oyster, and every situation and social event is a possible place where you could cross paths with a new suitor. Whilst it's always great to remain open to the possibility of meeting new people, you should be careful to consider the feelings of your old friends - you don't want any of them to feel like their friendship is less important than finding a romantic partner. When push comes to shove, old friends are more important than new blood. Still, you've got a great attitude toward meeting new people, and you could probably give lessons in how to get a date!
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Sunday, 28 October 2007
BENEFITS OF DOUBLE DATES
Many people of all ages enjoy double dating. Married couples sometimes take vacations together, while singles often bunch in couples to visit amusement parks or go out to dinner.
Whatever your age, marital status, or gender, double dating can offer certain benefits and advantages:
1. Have fun! Going out with another couple generally is more fun than being a duo. With a mixture of personalities and backgrounds, you are sure to experience several viewpoints and perspectives. That is what makes double dating so much fun. Not only are you getting to know the person you’re dating, you also become more familiar with the other three people that you go out with. Shared laughter in conversation and shared emotions during a film help the group members to get to know each other better.
2. Rest secure in dating accountability. No matter who your date is, going out with another couple helps to provide more accountability for individual behavior. Any person in the group may be less likely to misbehave via improper language or overdrinking, for example, when others are around to keep an eye on things, directly or indirectly. If someone does drink too much and is unfit to drive, the other couple may take charge, send the person home in a cab, and look after the person’s date.
3. Face less pressure to talk or entertain. In a one-to-one situation, each person feels as though he or she must talk incessantly and keep the other person amused for the date to be successful. But in a group of four, individual pressure diminishes, since several people may be contributing to the conversation and in fact, competing to have the final say. You don’t have to worry about long pauses or saying the right or wrong thing, since three other people may be taking turns in the same conversation.
4. You need not fear unwelcome advances. With another couple around, there is less if any chance of your date putting the moves on you. Of course, if the other couple starts getting passionate, your date may become aroused as well. But hopefully the four of you will agree ahead of time as to the turn of events and behavioral standards. Sometimes the latter is unspoken, especially if both couples know each other well, but everyone should know what to expect and what is acceptable.
5. Group discounts may be available. Going out with one or more other couples can lead to an entertainment discount. Dining coupons often provide a two-for-one experience. While one couple can take advantage of such offers on their own, doing so with other couples makes the experience more enjoyable. Amusement parks or theaters may offer discounts for admission fees for groups of several persons. It pays to call ahead and ask.Going out on a double date makes the event more like a group outing with friends than a romantic interlude with a potential partner. Decide in advance which situation you want to cultivate before arranging your night out—with or without a double date
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Many people of all ages enjoy double dating. Married couples sometimes take vacations together, while singles often bunch in couples to visit amusement parks or go out to dinner.
Whatever your age, marital status, or gender, double dating can offer certain benefits and advantages:
1. Have fun! Going out with another couple generally is more fun than being a duo. With a mixture of personalities and backgrounds, you are sure to experience several viewpoints and perspectives. That is what makes double dating so much fun. Not only are you getting to know the person you’re dating, you also become more familiar with the other three people that you go out with. Shared laughter in conversation and shared emotions during a film help the group members to get to know each other better.
2. Rest secure in dating accountability. No matter who your date is, going out with another couple helps to provide more accountability for individual behavior. Any person in the group may be less likely to misbehave via improper language or overdrinking, for example, when others are around to keep an eye on things, directly or indirectly. If someone does drink too much and is unfit to drive, the other couple may take charge, send the person home in a cab, and look after the person’s date.
3. Face less pressure to talk or entertain. In a one-to-one situation, each person feels as though he or she must talk incessantly and keep the other person amused for the date to be successful. But in a group of four, individual pressure diminishes, since several people may be contributing to the conversation and in fact, competing to have the final say. You don’t have to worry about long pauses or saying the right or wrong thing, since three other people may be taking turns in the same conversation.
4. You need not fear unwelcome advances. With another couple around, there is less if any chance of your date putting the moves on you. Of course, if the other couple starts getting passionate, your date may become aroused as well. But hopefully the four of you will agree ahead of time as to the turn of events and behavioral standards. Sometimes the latter is unspoken, especially if both couples know each other well, but everyone should know what to expect and what is acceptable.
5. Group discounts may be available. Going out with one or more other couples can lead to an entertainment discount. Dining coupons often provide a two-for-one experience. While one couple can take advantage of such offers on their own, doing so with other couples makes the experience more enjoyable. Amusement parks or theaters may offer discounts for admission fees for groups of several persons. It pays to call ahead and ask.Going out on a double date makes the event more like a group outing with friends than a romantic interlude with a potential partner. Decide in advance which situation you want to cultivate before arranging your night out—with or without a double date
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Friday, 26 October 2007
General Dating Rules for Single Women
Single Guys, if you don't like this, tough - look away now.In this dating article you will find some general dating rules for single women to follow when they enter the singles dating jungle.Now I know every single woman is different so don't take things too seriously here.I can understand why some groups would be hostile but the fact is when we grow up there are a predefined set of dating rules. All that happens is that we singles forget most of them after the age of 21 and then find we need to relearn them.I wish there weren't any general dating rules and we singles just got on with dating but courtship is a ritual; there are things that we singles make happen that excite stimulate, create interest, confound etc.
Dating is a long test of compatibility. Are we perfectly matched? If we just threw our singles selves together then the chances of long term happiness may be reduced. And yet previous generations managed to succeed on a far less complex courtship criteria list. Many arranged marriages work too interestingly. In every society there are a predefined set of social rules we follow, from the way and timing of eating to the way we behave in public. The issue here is that when women date there are things that can help them be more successful dates. If we accept that dating is a game then there are dating rules to that game and winners and losers.
If you know the dating rules in advance it gives you a head start. If single men know the dating rules by which you are playing you may change the dating rules to suit the situation to keep the single man guessing. Single Men love a challenge so feel free to adapt dating rules and add them as you feel inclined.You can separate dating rules out into two parts, dating and online dating. Both areas have distinct dating rules that a woman should follow for dating success.General Dating Rules Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick and wearing rags will still turn his single head. You have the advantage, you are the single woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.
Never reveal information you don't have to. An enigmatic single woman drives single men wild.Keep dates brief but your single men interested. Less is always more.Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.Let your single man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.Ensure you receive flowers, if he doesn't know what a florist is, dump him.Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.Always keep a single guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a single lady's perogative.Never be available for dates when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
If he is available to date on Tuesday, you are available Thursday.Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.Keep your single man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.Never ever talk about previous boyfriends and particularly their prowess in the bedroom. The number of ex boyfriends is your business only.Never pre suppose anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by lookingIf any single man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity run like the wind. Life is too short for silly boys.
If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace dump himNever talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.Never ever come across as too available or too desperate, he will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing remember.If the single guy in the corner is gorgeous go and get him and create the need in him for you.Never wait for single men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.If you are wanting a child, don't mention it on the first few dates.Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.
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Single Guys, if you don't like this, tough - look away now.In this dating article you will find some general dating rules for single women to follow when they enter the singles dating jungle.Now I know every single woman is different so don't take things too seriously here.I can understand why some groups would be hostile but the fact is when we grow up there are a predefined set of dating rules. All that happens is that we singles forget most of them after the age of 21 and then find we need to relearn them.I wish there weren't any general dating rules and we singles just got on with dating but courtship is a ritual; there are things that we singles make happen that excite stimulate, create interest, confound etc.
Dating is a long test of compatibility. Are we perfectly matched? If we just threw our singles selves together then the chances of long term happiness may be reduced. And yet previous generations managed to succeed on a far less complex courtship criteria list. Many arranged marriages work too interestingly. In every society there are a predefined set of social rules we follow, from the way and timing of eating to the way we behave in public. The issue here is that when women date there are things that can help them be more successful dates. If we accept that dating is a game then there are dating rules to that game and winners and losers.
If you know the dating rules in advance it gives you a head start. If single men know the dating rules by which you are playing you may change the dating rules to suit the situation to keep the single man guessing. Single Men love a challenge so feel free to adapt dating rules and add them as you feel inclined.You can separate dating rules out into two parts, dating and online dating. Both areas have distinct dating rules that a woman should follow for dating success.General Dating Rules Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick and wearing rags will still turn his single head. You have the advantage, you are the single woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.
Never reveal information you don't have to. An enigmatic single woman drives single men wild.Keep dates brief but your single men interested. Less is always more.Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.Let your single man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.Ensure you receive flowers, if he doesn't know what a florist is, dump him.Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.Always keep a single guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a single lady's perogative.Never be available for dates when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
If he is available to date on Tuesday, you are available Thursday.Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.Keep your single man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.Never ever talk about previous boyfriends and particularly their prowess in the bedroom. The number of ex boyfriends is your business only.Never pre suppose anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by lookingIf any single man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity run like the wind. Life is too short for silly boys.
If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace dump himNever talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.Never ever come across as too available or too desperate, he will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing remember.If the single guy in the corner is gorgeous go and get him and create the need in him for you.Never wait for single men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.If you are wanting a child, don't mention it on the first few dates.Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.
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Thursday, 25 October 2007
SINGLE AND 30
Being ThirtySomething is rapidly becoming the crux age for many of us. It's the time when we have matured and have woken up one morning to understand finally who we are and what we are about. We generally have some idea of direction at this age and it is a time for choices and crossroads. Life may have begun at 40 in times gone by but these days your 30th birthday is the age to sit up and take note. It is a time for reflection and self analysis, for checking how we are doing with our ambitions, and coming to terms with the fact that we are passing into a more mature age group - like it or not. I am not suggesting that becoming 30 means getting older or changing our lives but there are few of us who doubt it is not a time when we start to think - think a lot.
Now dating is heavily related to this ThirtySomethings age group because now that careers have been sorted out and a salary is coming in regularly it has dawned on us that we better get a partner to share some of these things with.
For women, it may be a time when children become dauntingly high on their list of priorities and the hunt is on for a suitable parent and father. It may not yet be a time for frantic panic but its not far away. We will not get steadily older and whilst some of us will get better with age, most of us start to look a little ragged round the edges so we need to secure the best dating options whilst we still canBeing ThirtySomething means having more time and money to date properly, to make decisive choices about who, where and what you want to date and to learn from past dating mistakes. By now most of us will have at least on important relationships in the bag though some of us will not yet have fallen in love.
We have strong friendships and plenty of shared practical experience in the ways of the heart. But all is not well, dating as you get older becomes increasingly frustrating and tiring. Your base levels for a perfect match have increased and you are becoming increasingly selective. You are tired of meeting jerks and timewasters and people who simply don't match with you, people out for sex and anything they can get.The other major thing to add is that dating for ThirtySomethings is higher risk.
Time is moving on, you don't want to waste more years in another failed relationship so you become determined to get it right so you become more cautious and careful. You are aware of divorce law, so you are also aware that you can meet the wrong person and they could take half of what you worked so hard to achieve. You have become cautious in your old age.Dating fatigue has set in if you have been single for some time and you feel increasingly frustrated that you will not meet the right person. There is a tiny dread in the back of your mind that it may not be possible to meet Mr. or Miss Right because just maybe they don't exist. Increasingly you may come across unparalleled shallowness, in both sexes.
Men can lose their hair in their thirties and women can age in different ways. Suddenly you won't do because you are thin on top or maybe your bosom isn't as pert as it was 10 years ago. You discover that that search for a soul mate may well be bull and that if you are George Clooney or Jennifer Aniston you will always do nicely.The next issue to hit ThirtySomethings when dating is where to date. In your twenties you were are trance and rave clubs until 3am, or in bars with friends dancing until all hours and still able to be fresh in the office for 8.30am. Now you are 35, it isn't so easy to burn the candle at both ends.
You need your sleep, you may not feel comfortable in places surrounded by people a decade younger so you may seek out solace in newer places. It is true that the cafe bar society has grown out of a wealthy ThirtySomething dating society and we can be thankful, but places to date are still not as easy to come by. It seems that clubs for ThirtySomethings are a little forced, and too directed to in your face dating. In other words, subtlety of the dating ritual has been lost, you are being checked out from the moment you enter the room.
Another issue that crops up with dating and ThirtySomethings is the age group we should date. Should we go for younger people, let us say aged 25 upwards, or maybe we like the more mature man or woman, let us say over 40. This really is an issue. It is an issue if we are still wanting children. In our thirties the people we may meet could already have a child or be separated or divorced and don't want another child. Or they may be actively seeking to have a child. If you are a woman you may be looking for a man who will make a good father. If you are a man you may be looking for a woman of child bearing age and therefore may not consider a woman over 40. This is the dilemma.
Age starts to become a factor. It is possible you will feel you don't have much in common with someone aged 21 but do find them attractive, on the other hand you may find yourself drawn to the more mature aspects of an older man or woman. You can go in both directions at this age as you straddle the age gap.The people we meet of our own age gap now have stories to tell, they may have baggage or they may have lost of baggage. We all have some kind of emotional dross we carry with us but in this age group it becomes very relevant. Do we want to meet people who already have a child by someone else, could we cope with children who aren't ours? There are a great many people on the rebound who have just spent years in relationships that didn't end.
They could have had a 12 year marriage and be 31 and divorced and vowing never to get married again. Therefore, the people we meet as ThirtySomethings are far more complex than before.The purpose of this article is not to provide answers but to acknowledge that being ThirtySomething is a very difficult age for dating and to recognize some of the factors that we are all sharing. I for one am 37 and never married so I know this subject well. We will carry on dating with renewed optimism but let us not forget that there are millions of people just like us, all looking for our perfect partner whilst coping with the issues stated.
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Being ThirtySomething is rapidly becoming the crux age for many of us. It's the time when we have matured and have woken up one morning to understand finally who we are and what we are about. We generally have some idea of direction at this age and it is a time for choices and crossroads. Life may have begun at 40 in times gone by but these days your 30th birthday is the age to sit up and take note. It is a time for reflection and self analysis, for checking how we are doing with our ambitions, and coming to terms with the fact that we are passing into a more mature age group - like it or not. I am not suggesting that becoming 30 means getting older or changing our lives but there are few of us who doubt it is not a time when we start to think - think a lot.
Now dating is heavily related to this ThirtySomethings age group because now that careers have been sorted out and a salary is coming in regularly it has dawned on us that we better get a partner to share some of these things with.
For women, it may be a time when children become dauntingly high on their list of priorities and the hunt is on for a suitable parent and father. It may not yet be a time for frantic panic but its not far away. We will not get steadily older and whilst some of us will get better with age, most of us start to look a little ragged round the edges so we need to secure the best dating options whilst we still canBeing ThirtySomething means having more time and money to date properly, to make decisive choices about who, where and what you want to date and to learn from past dating mistakes. By now most of us will have at least on important relationships in the bag though some of us will not yet have fallen in love.
We have strong friendships and plenty of shared practical experience in the ways of the heart. But all is not well, dating as you get older becomes increasingly frustrating and tiring. Your base levels for a perfect match have increased and you are becoming increasingly selective. You are tired of meeting jerks and timewasters and people who simply don't match with you, people out for sex and anything they can get.The other major thing to add is that dating for ThirtySomethings is higher risk.
Time is moving on, you don't want to waste more years in another failed relationship so you become determined to get it right so you become more cautious and careful. You are aware of divorce law, so you are also aware that you can meet the wrong person and they could take half of what you worked so hard to achieve. You have become cautious in your old age.Dating fatigue has set in if you have been single for some time and you feel increasingly frustrated that you will not meet the right person. There is a tiny dread in the back of your mind that it may not be possible to meet Mr. or Miss Right because just maybe they don't exist. Increasingly you may come across unparalleled shallowness, in both sexes.
Men can lose their hair in their thirties and women can age in different ways. Suddenly you won't do because you are thin on top or maybe your bosom isn't as pert as it was 10 years ago. You discover that that search for a soul mate may well be bull and that if you are George Clooney or Jennifer Aniston you will always do nicely.The next issue to hit ThirtySomethings when dating is where to date. In your twenties you were are trance and rave clubs until 3am, or in bars with friends dancing until all hours and still able to be fresh in the office for 8.30am. Now you are 35, it isn't so easy to burn the candle at both ends.
You need your sleep, you may not feel comfortable in places surrounded by people a decade younger so you may seek out solace in newer places. It is true that the cafe bar society has grown out of a wealthy ThirtySomething dating society and we can be thankful, but places to date are still not as easy to come by. It seems that clubs for ThirtySomethings are a little forced, and too directed to in your face dating. In other words, subtlety of the dating ritual has been lost, you are being checked out from the moment you enter the room.
Another issue that crops up with dating and ThirtySomethings is the age group we should date. Should we go for younger people, let us say aged 25 upwards, or maybe we like the more mature man or woman, let us say over 40. This really is an issue. It is an issue if we are still wanting children. In our thirties the people we may meet could already have a child or be separated or divorced and don't want another child. Or they may be actively seeking to have a child. If you are a woman you may be looking for a man who will make a good father. If you are a man you may be looking for a woman of child bearing age and therefore may not consider a woman over 40. This is the dilemma.
Age starts to become a factor. It is possible you will feel you don't have much in common with someone aged 21 but do find them attractive, on the other hand you may find yourself drawn to the more mature aspects of an older man or woman. You can go in both directions at this age as you straddle the age gap.The people we meet of our own age gap now have stories to tell, they may have baggage or they may have lost of baggage. We all have some kind of emotional dross we carry with us but in this age group it becomes very relevant. Do we want to meet people who already have a child by someone else, could we cope with children who aren't ours? There are a great many people on the rebound who have just spent years in relationships that didn't end.
They could have had a 12 year marriage and be 31 and divorced and vowing never to get married again. Therefore, the people we meet as ThirtySomethings are far more complex than before.The purpose of this article is not to provide answers but to acknowledge that being ThirtySomething is a very difficult age for dating and to recognize some of the factors that we are all sharing. I for one am 37 and never married so I know this subject well. We will carry on dating with renewed optimism but let us not forget that there are millions of people just like us, all looking for our perfect partner whilst coping with the issues stated.
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Tuesday, 23 October 2007
GETTING DUMPED – BECOMMING SINGLE
Its happens to us all from time to time and it is the bad part about dating. Getting dumped is about someone who you spent time with who doesn't want a close relationship anymore. On almost all occasions, when you‘ve been dumped, it comes as a surprise, a nasty surprise. Looking back you think to yourself, well I could see that coming really. But at the time, you were not prepared.
On almost every occasion you’ve been dumped, the partner who has dumped you has been thinking of doing it for longer than you imagine. It appears they suddenly dumped you after an argument or some minor incident but actually, they have been playing the scenario out in their heads for quite a while. When partners spontaneously try and dump you, they make a hash of it. It goes wrong. If someone has practiced the scenario they won't be swayed and will try and convince you to see life from their point of view. Which is dreadful.
Being dumped usually happens when you least expect it and its possible that you were almost dumped a week or two earlier when your other half went through the motions but didn't actually quite have the nerve to see things through. It was almost like a Practise session. Then when it finally does come, its gentle and firm and clear. This partner doesn't want to be with you anymore. They are detached when they speak because they need to be. They have to detach themselves from emotion not because they don't have any feelings, but because this is what it takes to walk away.
The partner who is dumping you has temporarily learned to cope with shutting feelings out so that they can deal with saying good-bye. To be honest though, their emotional state may be fraught but it is backed up by a sense of escape and release and so they are feeling very different emotions from you. They are feeling that they need to get this conversation over and done with and want you to accept the situation as gracefully as possible.
Certainly the lover dumping you is being heartless in some ways and they don't have your interests at heart, only their own, which is why they often try and sugar coat the situation by telling you how your future will be so positive without them and how they are a negative influence on you and the worst two of the lot, "you deserve better than me" and "shall we be good friends". Both of those lines are cheap, meaningless and sometimes very shallow. In the same way, telling you that you will continue to "see" your ex and remain good buddies, is utter nonsense. The world has just changed for good.
The first thing that springs to mind when you’ve been dumped is just how ridiculous are the reasons you are given. On almost ALL occasions, they are not telling you the truth. Why? Because ironically they are trying to spare your feelings. Well now, they have just taken away your trust, your faith, your romantic life in its entirety, even your planned future. But they are trying to spare your feelings.
The amount of lies told to you in one 30 minute period will never be as many as when you are being dumped. I hate the leeches who dump you over a dinner date in a restaurant, or at a party so that you can say less. Their hope is damage limitation to try and get away without "having a scene". I remember one girl, Angela, who dumped me by email. That was probably as low as anyone can stoop. I suppose the phone is as bad, or a note, or through a friend. But remember that most people are cowards. I'd always prefer to know the truth.
The one thing that stands out about being dumped more than anything else, is when one receives no explanation. Oh, you may be given one, but be sure that isn't the real reason my friends. No, you will be given the most trivial of reasons, or worse "it's not you, it's me" Which actually means, "its you". They simply won't tell you why though, because they are scared. Now I can argue this is a positive thing because by being scared of hurting you, there is some semblance of respect still present. And that has to be positive. However there is no future in having any further contact with this person and I firmly recommend when someone walks out of your life, it is for ever. (I know its different if you have children and I won't address that situation here).
Now scientists tell us that when you are dumped you undergo almost exactly the same set of physiological and psychological reactions as bereavement. Clearly if you have been seeing someone for 3 weeks and they decide you are not for them, your feelings are hurt, but nothing more. But, once a relationship has formed and the person walks out of your life then that person may as well have died. Because you will react in the same way.
What I mean but the is is that it is entirely correct and fitting that you want to lock yourself away for a while, to undergo a period of mourning. You have to come to terms with what has happened and that the relationship is finally over. This in fact can take months or years. Your friends will provide you with a support infrastructure and whilst they are well meaning and want you to return to your positive self, be prepared for it taking some time.
You could start dating again but these dates won't lead to anything immediately, not until you are psychologically ready. Personally and privately, I believe that it is only when you are angry with the person who dumped you, even to the point of hating them, before you can get over them. You may think that's too strong, but out of anger often comes clarity of mind. Still loving them is not the way forward. In years to come you may respect them and love their memory, but certainly not now no.
When someone dumps you, they generally mean it and it has taken them a lot of thinking to go through with it. So do not hope they will change their mind, they won't. You will feel betrayed and deceived and you are right. They played with your feelings. But then everyone has a right to leave and no one has the right to stay imprisoned in a relationship they don't want. So it is your own acceptance of the situation that is the most important thing here.
In fact you are the most important thing in the equation. The person who just dumped you no longer matters. Life becomes about you again and what you want. You are the director of your own movie , your life, so you hire and fire the cast and crew as you like. If they dumped you, mentally dump them too. But don't dwell on revenge as down that path lays madness awaiting. No, you do need to move on, but only when you are ready and only down the path you choose.
Getting some revenge is an immediate afterthought, because you want to feel the satisfaction of getting even. Of hurting them like they hurt you. But all you do if you publicly display revenge, is look somewhat pathetic. I do not advocate revenge in that way. The best way for any revenge is to get even in a constructive way that leaves your dumper looking like the fool. I remember being dumped by an ex, only to leave the city and get a glamorous job abroad a few weeks later and letting her know it. That gave me the satisfaction of knowing we were even. Life moved on.
Being dumped is an awkward mess that hurts us and cannot be trivialized. It means that the person we entrusted with our souls has turned round and said they don't want it. It makes us feel cheap and worthless and unwanted. We don't want other fish in the sea, we wanted them. But its too late, its over.
Here are some tips I think are essential when getting dumped:
Don't believe the reasons you are given when you are dumped as you may be being lied to
If you spot a trial run, you may be dumped within days so anticipate it
Don't dump them first because you thought you spotted a trial run though !
Allow the person to say why your relationship has ended but give them little in return.
They want you to forgive them and tell them its all right.
It isn't so don't let them off the hook whatsoever. Never.
Allow yourself a mourning period of however long it takes
Don't start dating immediately, not until you are ready
Do realize that seeing other people though, will make things easier
Don't hope that your ex will return, its highly unlikely
Start thinking about yourself as number 1 priority and spoil yourself
Do not keep hold of any joint possessions or mementos.
The relationship is over and mementos will hurt you.
Throw all their things away and put photos in a box
Never hang out where you may meet you ex.
Talking things over doesn't work.
If they want you they will come crawling back
If you accept your ex back again you are playing with fire.
Better to say good-bye once and for all.
You deserve better
Remember that the person who dumped you has lost you and will not meet anyone like you again. Their loss.
Allow yourself to be angry with the person who dumped you and mentally dump them too
Finally, when all is said and done, it is sometimes better to change jobs and even move location to forget someone.
You can argue well why should I, but let's be realistic, it may be the only answer.
We are talking about your life here, not someone elses'. You deserve better because you are worth it.
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Its happens to us all from time to time and it is the bad part about dating. Getting dumped is about someone who you spent time with who doesn't want a close relationship anymore. On almost all occasions, when you‘ve been dumped, it comes as a surprise, a nasty surprise. Looking back you think to yourself, well I could see that coming really. But at the time, you were not prepared.
On almost every occasion you’ve been dumped, the partner who has dumped you has been thinking of doing it for longer than you imagine. It appears they suddenly dumped you after an argument or some minor incident but actually, they have been playing the scenario out in their heads for quite a while. When partners spontaneously try and dump you, they make a hash of it. It goes wrong. If someone has practiced the scenario they won't be swayed and will try and convince you to see life from their point of view. Which is dreadful.
Being dumped usually happens when you least expect it and its possible that you were almost dumped a week or two earlier when your other half went through the motions but didn't actually quite have the nerve to see things through. It was almost like a Practise session. Then when it finally does come, its gentle and firm and clear. This partner doesn't want to be with you anymore. They are detached when they speak because they need to be. They have to detach themselves from emotion not because they don't have any feelings, but because this is what it takes to walk away.
The partner who is dumping you has temporarily learned to cope with shutting feelings out so that they can deal with saying good-bye. To be honest though, their emotional state may be fraught but it is backed up by a sense of escape and release and so they are feeling very different emotions from you. They are feeling that they need to get this conversation over and done with and want you to accept the situation as gracefully as possible.
Certainly the lover dumping you is being heartless in some ways and they don't have your interests at heart, only their own, which is why they often try and sugar coat the situation by telling you how your future will be so positive without them and how they are a negative influence on you and the worst two of the lot, "you deserve better than me" and "shall we be good friends". Both of those lines are cheap, meaningless and sometimes very shallow. In the same way, telling you that you will continue to "see" your ex and remain good buddies, is utter nonsense. The world has just changed for good.
The first thing that springs to mind when you’ve been dumped is just how ridiculous are the reasons you are given. On almost ALL occasions, they are not telling you the truth. Why? Because ironically they are trying to spare your feelings. Well now, they have just taken away your trust, your faith, your romantic life in its entirety, even your planned future. But they are trying to spare your feelings.
The amount of lies told to you in one 30 minute period will never be as many as when you are being dumped. I hate the leeches who dump you over a dinner date in a restaurant, or at a party so that you can say less. Their hope is damage limitation to try and get away without "having a scene". I remember one girl, Angela, who dumped me by email. That was probably as low as anyone can stoop. I suppose the phone is as bad, or a note, or through a friend. But remember that most people are cowards. I'd always prefer to know the truth.
The one thing that stands out about being dumped more than anything else, is when one receives no explanation. Oh, you may be given one, but be sure that isn't the real reason my friends. No, you will be given the most trivial of reasons, or worse "it's not you, it's me" Which actually means, "its you". They simply won't tell you why though, because they are scared. Now I can argue this is a positive thing because by being scared of hurting you, there is some semblance of respect still present. And that has to be positive. However there is no future in having any further contact with this person and I firmly recommend when someone walks out of your life, it is for ever. (I know its different if you have children and I won't address that situation here).
Now scientists tell us that when you are dumped you undergo almost exactly the same set of physiological and psychological reactions as bereavement. Clearly if you have been seeing someone for 3 weeks and they decide you are not for them, your feelings are hurt, but nothing more. But, once a relationship has formed and the person walks out of your life then that person may as well have died. Because you will react in the same way.
What I mean but the is is that it is entirely correct and fitting that you want to lock yourself away for a while, to undergo a period of mourning. You have to come to terms with what has happened and that the relationship is finally over. This in fact can take months or years. Your friends will provide you with a support infrastructure and whilst they are well meaning and want you to return to your positive self, be prepared for it taking some time.
You could start dating again but these dates won't lead to anything immediately, not until you are psychologically ready. Personally and privately, I believe that it is only when you are angry with the person who dumped you, even to the point of hating them, before you can get over them. You may think that's too strong, but out of anger often comes clarity of mind. Still loving them is not the way forward. In years to come you may respect them and love their memory, but certainly not now no.
When someone dumps you, they generally mean it and it has taken them a lot of thinking to go through with it. So do not hope they will change their mind, they won't. You will feel betrayed and deceived and you are right. They played with your feelings. But then everyone has a right to leave and no one has the right to stay imprisoned in a relationship they don't want. So it is your own acceptance of the situation that is the most important thing here.
In fact you are the most important thing in the equation. The person who just dumped you no longer matters. Life becomes about you again and what you want. You are the director of your own movie , your life, so you hire and fire the cast and crew as you like. If they dumped you, mentally dump them too. But don't dwell on revenge as down that path lays madness awaiting. No, you do need to move on, but only when you are ready and only down the path you choose.
Getting some revenge is an immediate afterthought, because you want to feel the satisfaction of getting even. Of hurting them like they hurt you. But all you do if you publicly display revenge, is look somewhat pathetic. I do not advocate revenge in that way. The best way for any revenge is to get even in a constructive way that leaves your dumper looking like the fool. I remember being dumped by an ex, only to leave the city and get a glamorous job abroad a few weeks later and letting her know it. That gave me the satisfaction of knowing we were even. Life moved on.
Being dumped is an awkward mess that hurts us and cannot be trivialized. It means that the person we entrusted with our souls has turned round and said they don't want it. It makes us feel cheap and worthless and unwanted. We don't want other fish in the sea, we wanted them. But its too late, its over.
Here are some tips I think are essential when getting dumped:
Don't believe the reasons you are given when you are dumped as you may be being lied to
If you spot a trial run, you may be dumped within days so anticipate it
Don't dump them first because you thought you spotted a trial run though !
Allow the person to say why your relationship has ended but give them little in return.
They want you to forgive them and tell them its all right.
It isn't so don't let them off the hook whatsoever. Never.
Allow yourself a mourning period of however long it takes
Don't start dating immediately, not until you are ready
Do realize that seeing other people though, will make things easier
Don't hope that your ex will return, its highly unlikely
Start thinking about yourself as number 1 priority and spoil yourself
Do not keep hold of any joint possessions or mementos.
The relationship is over and mementos will hurt you.
Throw all their things away and put photos in a box
Never hang out where you may meet you ex.
Talking things over doesn't work.
If they want you they will come crawling back
If you accept your ex back again you are playing with fire.
Better to say good-bye once and for all.
You deserve better
Remember that the person who dumped you has lost you and will not meet anyone like you again. Their loss.
Allow yourself to be angry with the person who dumped you and mentally dump them too
Finally, when all is said and done, it is sometimes better to change jobs and even move location to forget someone.
You can argue well why should I, but let's be realistic, it may be the only answer.
We are talking about your life here, not someone elses'. You deserve better because you are worth it.
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Monday, 22 October 2007
Online Flirting – It Is Fun And A Great Way To Pass Your Time
The Internet has opened up vast horizons to people from all over the world to speak with each other, to date online, to flirt online. Online flirting can be extremely entertaining if nothing else. There are millions of people out there who are seeking companionship over the Net. These are people who are too busy for a regular date, too lazy to make the effort in person, or to shy.The Advantages Of Online FlirtingOnline Flirting Can Be Fun - The first thing that you will say about online flirting is that it is a lot of fun. There is something so amusing in the fact that you can chat with anyone out there and flirt as much as you want. If it gets out of hand, you can always back off and that person will never hear of you again.
Online flirting can end up in lasting relationships – often what starts as an online flirting can end up in wonderful relationships. There are many genuine people out there and it is very much possible to fall in love online and live happily ever after.Online flirting can be a great pastime. For those who only want entertainment, there is nothing better than online flirting. You can get all the fun you want right in the comfort of your house. If you want, you can use a web camera and then take the light flirting to the next level – serious flirting – depending upon your mood.It is easy to make friends. People who are on the Net chatting are looking for friends and friendship. Hence, it is easy to make friends.
The online dating and friendship websites normally offer you country wise chat rooms or regional chat rooms. Hence, you can befriend any type of people from wherever you want. There are many out there who choose friends from all over the world and in the meantime learn a good deal about their local customs and traditions.
Online flirting is a great way to start knowing how others see you. Side by side, it is a wonderful way to look at yourself. Sometimes, the feedback you get from the online chatting can be brutally truthful. If you are open to criticism, you can indeed learn a good deal from this exercise and come out a much-enriched person.Start on this journey today. You never know what destination you will reach. Whatever it may be, you are guaranteed to have a lot of fun on the way.
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The Internet has opened up vast horizons to people from all over the world to speak with each other, to date online, to flirt online. Online flirting can be extremely entertaining if nothing else. There are millions of people out there who are seeking companionship over the Net. These are people who are too busy for a regular date, too lazy to make the effort in person, or to shy.The Advantages Of Online FlirtingOnline Flirting Can Be Fun - The first thing that you will say about online flirting is that it is a lot of fun. There is something so amusing in the fact that you can chat with anyone out there and flirt as much as you want. If it gets out of hand, you can always back off and that person will never hear of you again.
Online flirting can end up in lasting relationships – often what starts as an online flirting can end up in wonderful relationships. There are many genuine people out there and it is very much possible to fall in love online and live happily ever after.Online flirting can be a great pastime. For those who only want entertainment, there is nothing better than online flirting. You can get all the fun you want right in the comfort of your house. If you want, you can use a web camera and then take the light flirting to the next level – serious flirting – depending upon your mood.It is easy to make friends. People who are on the Net chatting are looking for friends and friendship. Hence, it is easy to make friends.
The online dating and friendship websites normally offer you country wise chat rooms or regional chat rooms. Hence, you can befriend any type of people from wherever you want. There are many out there who choose friends from all over the world and in the meantime learn a good deal about their local customs and traditions.
Online flirting is a great way to start knowing how others see you. Side by side, it is a wonderful way to look at yourself. Sometimes, the feedback you get from the online chatting can be brutally truthful. If you are open to criticism, you can indeed learn a good deal from this exercise and come out a much-enriched person.Start on this journey today. You never know what destination you will reach. Whatever it may be, you are guaranteed to have a lot of fun on the way.
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Sunday, 21 October 2007
MODERN DATING
Dating is a relatively modern term to describe an age old tradition. Just to show how easy we forget the age of things, the word condom first appeared in 1706! Due to the vagueness of specific meaning and intent in the word "dating" it is a term that has become popular worldwide as the term of choice for meeting new people on a romantic basis. We don't begin dating to become friends, we date to become lovers, partners, boyfriends and girlfriends. We can argue that the word literally means that one has reserved this day or date for a particular person. Of course dating in many countries is not the most common term, in areas of the UK we still see people using terms like "courting", "going out with", "stepping out with" or "seeing".
All terms have the same function, which is to describe a higher level of meeting with a person than just friendship.A few generations ago we would have determined dating as a courtship ritual leading to marriage and however much you my wish to disagree with me, hidden underneath our modern methods today, that is generally still the goal of most single people. Dating for the sake of it is becoming more widespread, almost like a sport, but the vast majority of people dating are dating for fun and at the same time dating with a more serious intent too.We are a great deal more traditional about dating than we care to admit.
It is till often the case that a single man will ask the permission of the partner's parent to marry their daughter. A very traditional gesture. It is also worth making a note that in Moslem and Arab traditions, dating is seen even by many of the young as interfering with the concept of family and dating is seen as threatening. With the influences of the West, of course dating is starting to invade every culture but do not think it is socially accepted everywhere.
Do not forget either that in arranged marriage cultures, many men and women do have the chance to say 'no' to prospective partners, even thought the West often chooses not to accept that.The purpose of dating is to meet someone we like on a romantic and personal level but dating can also mean casual sex too. Lets not be high handed here, there are plenty of single people of both sexes for which dating is nothing more than physical contact.
This can be due to age, attitude and outlook as well as desire. Its easy to take the moral high ground but people like to experiment sexually and like to find out just how compatible they are with someone else as much as about themselves physically before thinking about committing to someone. An to be honest why not. First sex on a wedding night is a romantic notion of decades past, but the idea that you could be married for life to a sexually incompatible person is terrifying to many.
Modern generations are far more liberated than preceding post war generations and consequently their priorities and check lists when dating are very different. Post AIDS, it is true that the most recent generations cannot be compared directly with the 60's generations in terms of free sex and open relationships due to simple health factors. Therefore dating does adapt with each new generation. New attitudes develop every 10 to 15 years so dating is a dynamic that has no presets you can argue. However, I come back to the same part of the equation as before, dating is a test of compatibility with the same long term goal, longer term or permanent union between two people. The real change has been in recent years with the creation and development of a professional dating industry.
From advisers and lifestyle experts to dating coaches and relationship counselors, to dating books and self-help videos. Then you have the plethora of dating agencies both on and off the Internet all aimed at help bringing people together. Dating hasn't gone anywhere, the desire for people to meet others is as strong as ever, and its become international due to new communication methods. Its now possible for people in Washington DC and Kuala Lumpur to get chatting online in seconds and form some meaningful relationship within a few hours. So all is not bad.
Like it or not, we are still the serious dating people we always were, and we still crave relationship stability. Skeptics can argue all they like that people don't want to marry anymore but I disagree, I think we just have different standards. It perhaps just takes more work in our dating lives, that's all.
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Dating is a relatively modern term to describe an age old tradition. Just to show how easy we forget the age of things, the word condom first appeared in 1706! Due to the vagueness of specific meaning and intent in the word "dating" it is a term that has become popular worldwide as the term of choice for meeting new people on a romantic basis. We don't begin dating to become friends, we date to become lovers, partners, boyfriends and girlfriends. We can argue that the word literally means that one has reserved this day or date for a particular person. Of course dating in many countries is not the most common term, in areas of the UK we still see people using terms like "courting", "going out with", "stepping out with" or "seeing".
All terms have the same function, which is to describe a higher level of meeting with a person than just friendship.A few generations ago we would have determined dating as a courtship ritual leading to marriage and however much you my wish to disagree with me, hidden underneath our modern methods today, that is generally still the goal of most single people. Dating for the sake of it is becoming more widespread, almost like a sport, but the vast majority of people dating are dating for fun and at the same time dating with a more serious intent too.We are a great deal more traditional about dating than we care to admit.
It is till often the case that a single man will ask the permission of the partner's parent to marry their daughter. A very traditional gesture. It is also worth making a note that in Moslem and Arab traditions, dating is seen even by many of the young as interfering with the concept of family and dating is seen as threatening. With the influences of the West, of course dating is starting to invade every culture but do not think it is socially accepted everywhere.
Do not forget either that in arranged marriage cultures, many men and women do have the chance to say 'no' to prospective partners, even thought the West often chooses not to accept that.The purpose of dating is to meet someone we like on a romantic and personal level but dating can also mean casual sex too. Lets not be high handed here, there are plenty of single people of both sexes for which dating is nothing more than physical contact.
This can be due to age, attitude and outlook as well as desire. Its easy to take the moral high ground but people like to experiment sexually and like to find out just how compatible they are with someone else as much as about themselves physically before thinking about committing to someone. An to be honest why not. First sex on a wedding night is a romantic notion of decades past, but the idea that you could be married for life to a sexually incompatible person is terrifying to many.
Modern generations are far more liberated than preceding post war generations and consequently their priorities and check lists when dating are very different. Post AIDS, it is true that the most recent generations cannot be compared directly with the 60's generations in terms of free sex and open relationships due to simple health factors. Therefore dating does adapt with each new generation. New attitudes develop every 10 to 15 years so dating is a dynamic that has no presets you can argue. However, I come back to the same part of the equation as before, dating is a test of compatibility with the same long term goal, longer term or permanent union between two people. The real change has been in recent years with the creation and development of a professional dating industry.
From advisers and lifestyle experts to dating coaches and relationship counselors, to dating books and self-help videos. Then you have the plethora of dating agencies both on and off the Internet all aimed at help bringing people together. Dating hasn't gone anywhere, the desire for people to meet others is as strong as ever, and its become international due to new communication methods. Its now possible for people in Washington DC and Kuala Lumpur to get chatting online in seconds and form some meaningful relationship within a few hours. So all is not bad.
Like it or not, we are still the serious dating people we always were, and we still crave relationship stability. Skeptics can argue all they like that people don't want to marry anymore but I disagree, I think we just have different standards. It perhaps just takes more work in our dating lives, that's all.
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